Don’t Try to Fix People: Help Them Trust Jesus for Real Healing and Life Change

Steve Behlke   -  

As we grow closer to people, we often encounter their weaknesses and problems. Naturally, we want to help fix and change them because we care about them. However, at Grace United, we believe in a different approach. Our seventh value states, “Don’t try to fix people: You can’t. It’s better to help them trust Jesus.” This value reminds us that our role is not to fix others but to guide them toward trusting Jesus for real healing and life change.

“Don’t try to fix people: You can’t. It’s better to help them trust Jesus.”

Parents of teens and adults, have you ever tried to “help” your adult children by correcting them and telling them what they need to do? Despite your well-meaning intentions, “I’m only trying to help,” they may have resented your advice and become upset.

This type of thing happens in churches, too. Imagine a situation where Elena was feeling distant from God, and she shared this with her friend Danielle over coffee. Instead of actively listening and empathizing, Danielle immediately jumped into problem-solving mode. She suggested that Elena start waking up at 5:00 AM for an early quiet time with God, as she does. While Danielle meant well, Elena felt unheard, and her struggle minimized. Danielle’s advice added to Elena’s guilt and self-blame, pushing her further away from God.

When suffering strikes, as in Job’s story, we often encounter well-intentioned individuals who try to fix our problems without truly understanding our hearts. Job’s wife, overwhelmed by grief, advised him to curse God and die. His friends, attempting to solve his suffering, offered various explanations for his troubles, ultimately blaming him for his own misfortune. However, Job did not need their advice or solutions; he needed companionship, empathy, and the reminder of God’s unwavering love and grace.

Job 6:14 For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; so that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty.

Job did not need their advice or solutions; he needed companionship, empathy, and the reminder of God’s unwavering love and grace.

A grace community, as described in Romans 12, is devoted to one another in love. It rejoices with those who rejoice and weeps with those who weep. We allow for vulnerability, understanding, and exploring deeper heart issues. In this community, transformation and true healing occur as individuals experience the love and grace of Jesus.

A grace community¬†allows for vulnerability, understanding, and exploring deeper heart issues… transformation and true healing occur as individuals experience the love and grace of Jesus.

While we may be tempted to jump straight into fixing behavior and finding solutions, the heart is where God’s work takes place. So, we can train certain behaviors, but real transformation begins within the heart. Jesus never told Zacchaeus, the woman at the well, or any of his disciples how to fix themselves. Instead, He called them to trust Him, giving them hope and inviting them to follow Him. By helping one another to trust and love God with all our hearts and rely on His grace, we find healing, maturity, and transformation.

In our interactions with others, let us shift our focus from fixing their behavior to helping them trust Jesus. Instead of telling them what to do, let us listen attentively, validate their experiences, ask open-ended questions to explore deeper issues, and invite them to see, hear, and receive the unwavering love and grace of Jesus.

In our interactions with others, let us shift our focus from fixing their behavior to helping them trust Jesus. Instead of telling them what to do, let us listen attentively, validate their experiences, ask open-ended questions to explore deeper issues, and invite them to see, hear, and receive the unwavering love and grace of Jesus.

Remember, our goal is not to fix people but to guide them toward trusting Jesus for real healing and life change. By nurturing their relationship with Him, we offer them the promise of healing, transformation, and hope.